I am always surprised when people imply that my life is easy. I made getting my master’s degree look easy. I made obtaining my PhD look easy. I made losing 75 pounds look, you guessed it, easy.
The truth is very little in my life has felt easy. My education was not easy. If you don't believe me, ask my mom, she will tell you how much I cried. Losing weight was not easy. Don't believe me, ask my husband, he will tell you I cried once because I wanted pizza so badly. The worst part, however, is that I know I make things harder than they need to be. Why? Because I have a very difficult time saying no to any. Even if the person asking is someone that I don't particularly like, even if it is the last thing I want to do, I still say yes. It is a big problem in my life because, without fail, I wind up feeling overwhelmed.
The truly sad part is that I know and understand the psychology behind saying no. “Yes” is so easy! “Yes” is open-hearted and kind. “Yes” is celebrated. “No” is the opposite. “No” is the equivalent of dropping a cinder block on someone else's hopes. “No” is never celebrated.
In reality, saying no provides a surge of strength that is unlike any other experience. No is often confused with negativity, but, in fact, does the complete opposite for the naysayer. No helps us grow in maturity and helps us learn to set firm and healthy boundaries. In so many ways, saying no is the greatest gift you can ever give yourself.
Balance is also important. No one can really say no all the time without being a selfish person. Where does one draw the line?
I would like to recommend 5 situations in which saying yes is psychologically beneficial to you.
1. When saying yes strengthens your personal values. Let's say you are a Christian, actively involved in your faith. A friendly neighbor, a non-believer, asks you about your church and if he could attend a service with you. This is the perfect example of when saying yes strengthens who you are and what you value most.
2. When saying yes is not exploiting you. Let's say you are a student, and your slacker classmate keeps asking to copy your notes. In this case, you are not being kind, you are allowing that student to exploit or take advantage of you.
3. When saying yes strengthens your goals. Let's say you have a hefty commute to your graduate program and the mere idea of driving it daily already exhausts you. A cohort member from your town is also commuting and asks to carpool to share expenses and study time while the other drives. This request strengthens your own goals and is mutually beneficial.
4. When saying yes enables you to change the course of your life. Let's say that you have a job that you hate, but a friend has a lead at another company that could land you your dream job. Saying yes here is a no-brainer. Saying yes to risk can be very difficult, but nothing worth having ever comes fear free.
5. When saying yes prevents serious damage to another person. Sometimes, we really need to say yes simply because another person needs us. Let's say a friend needs a bone marrow transplant to live, and you are a match. This is a situation when a yes is not only desirable, but essential.
Learning when to say no has been one of the biggest challenges in my life. However, having healthy boundaries has strengthened my own mental health. The important thing to remember is to fill your own cup before you pour into another. This will not only keep you happier, but healthier as well!
Comments