Earlier this week, I had a rough day. Nothing catastrophic, thank goodness, but a rough day nonetheless. I felt behind at work and at home, and felt a little overwhelmed by my life in general. If you know me, you know that is a quasi-normal occurrence because I like to do a lot and always have many irons in the fire.
Luckily, I have an amazing husband who is very aware of my penchant for over-extending myself and knows how to handle it. Whether it is pouring my wine or coercing me into a detox bath (which I highly recommend for self care!), he is terrific at getting me back on track and at peace with my hectic life.
As a college professor, I have recently become very aware of how many of my students have boyfriends and girlfriends online. In fact, some of them have never met at all, and consider themselves deeply in love. Many are on different continents and have Skype dates, the way that my husband and I have dinner and a movie night.
This has caused me to examine the importance of genuine human connection. It is frightening to me how many people are alone in the world, and they seem to prefer it that way. Many are content to have the internet and video games rather than legitimate human interaction. In fact memes about hating people are rampant on social media, creating a level of humor in what to me, is a sad existence.
For me, I do not know what I would do without my core group of social and emotional support. This extends beyond my husband to my family and friends. I have relied on them and they have relied on me for so much of our lives. We have been in each others' weddings and vacationed together. I really cannot imagine my life without them.
Is it the same for "virtual" relationships? Is it the same level of connection when you are unable to hug, or has this new generation found a way to transcend the need for physical touch and proximity? I really don't know..... What I do know is how important human connection is!
Sebastian Junger, author of "the Perfect Storm" is probably my biggest research crush. Junger is very interested in military based PTSD, and he has gone so far as to imply that PTSD is less about the trauma of war but more about the lost brotherhood or sisterhood upon coming back to civilian life (Read more: https://time.com/4351069/memorial-day-2016-veterans-ptsd-sebastian-junger-tribe-book/).
I see so much truth to this. One minute you are surrounded by individuals who value you so much that they would be willing to die for you without a moment's hesitation, the next minute you are home and are lucky if someone puts down their cell phone long enough to give you their full attention. I cannot imagine the emotional trauma or turmoil that would cause. Thinking about this, leads me back to thinking about not having the supportive people I have in my own life. Is this why depression and anxiety are so common? Because we are all surrounded by people who make time for us "when they can," after school or work obligations? Is it because we have forgotten to put people first every single time.
Do you put people first every single time? Do I put people first every single time? If I am honest with myself, I don't. I try and fail. What if, I tried harder, what if you tried harder. What if we simply put down our phones and gave our full attention? What if we allowed people to interrupt those things that seem so important in the moment, but are ultimately fleeting? What if we built relationships so close, that we values each other so much, that we to would die without a second of hesitation.
This week, i encourage you to foster your relationships. Give your full attention. Make (and keep) plans. Call, test or IM a friend you have been neglecting. Put people first.
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